I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
