I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
