We're like a lot better than the average bears
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
