the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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