I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
