Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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