I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
