I can tuck mytits in my pants
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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