I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize