When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I checked into jail on foursquare
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
