I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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