His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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