All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
