let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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