apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
