i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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