You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
