Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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