i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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