She is in my trunk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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