the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
