I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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