please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
