Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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