omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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