I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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