My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
