Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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