He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want nice things and good sex
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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