Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
