I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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