Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
