she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
