do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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