apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
