I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
