Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
