Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
