1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
