I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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