you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
