totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
