I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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