hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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