I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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