apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
