i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
