you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
