And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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