dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
