in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drunk walkin through police station. America
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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