4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
