I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
