he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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