So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize