And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
