Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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