You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
