I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
