My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
