I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
