I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
