Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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