Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
