ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
