I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
