Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
