Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
