you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
