My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
