Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
