So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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