So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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