...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
