i will never coherently bang her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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