Don't make out with my wife yet
her vagine was all disorganized.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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