I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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