i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
