Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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