I could have mohawked her pubes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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