its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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