Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
